The Second Week Blues

The past three days could not have been more of a rollercoaster. 

Monday I was in such a bad mood. I think I was tired from all the traveling of the weekend, and still hadn't caught up on any sleep since I left for New York. I lost my outlet converter so I couldn't charge my iPhone. Class was not making sense and I couldn't get myself to focus. I was tired and sad and missed home so much. All I did was scroll through old pictures of DC and message my friends back home. We went on a trip to the chellah (more Roman ruins) but I could barely enjoy it. (I did take pictures, though...just imagine me snapping these grumpily as I swat flies, tap my foot impatiently, and judge everything around me)

(These random Spanish dudes made me smile a little, though.)

Still, everything was getting on my nerves, from the food to the language to the noise to the heat to the other kids to taxis, the loud storks at the chellah, everything. When I got home, I was so exhausted and went to sleep right after ftour, despite Ghita asking me to go out with her. I was just not in the mood.

Thankfully, going to bed early was the best decision ever, because the next day I felt amazing. I could focus in class, I got a good grade back on my test which boosted my self esteem, I understood over half of what was going on, I was nice and cheerful and social with the other kids, I barely even went on my phone. I made like 50 flash cards after school of all the words I learned. We had a lesson on reading road signs and getting around, which was super useful. I also found a carpool buddy that goes to Qalam so I don't have to spend 40 DH a day! I was reminded again that things here are actually much better than I thought they were yesterday: When I got into my cab, my Moroccan phone flew out of my bag and I didn't notice until the driver pointed it out and drove back to get it. Alhamdoulillah!!!! Thank you kind taxi driver!!!! Barakalahufik! (May God bless you!)

When I got home, Ghita and I got pistachio ice cream bars at a local convenience store, played cards, and had a dance off to Shakira and Stromae. So yeah, yesterday could not have been better.

Today, I woke up feeling well rested and awesome. I got to school early and ate delicious crepes for breakfast. Class was fine and we had a calligraphy lesson with Muhammad, everyone's favorite. 

I did that!!! 😁

But then, we went back to class and suddenly I knew nothing. I could barely read or understand anything that was going on, and this one kid in my class makes it very obvious that he is frustrated whenever I take more than 10 seconds to answer a question. When it was my turn to read, he straight up sighed and left the room. Thanks bud, I appreciate that so much...-_- Anyway, I got really stressed and discouraged again. I'm still salty that I was placed into this level and that I'm not with the other NSLI students and the nice, encouraging teacher. But oh well, I'm dealing with it. I'm gonna stick it out for another seven days till the class is over and then I am going to drop down into the class with the other NSLI kids regardless of how I do on the exam for my class. It's at the point where not only am I not in classes with the other NSLI kids, but I have to stay back and study while they go to shop and explore Rabat. Plus while they get to take taxis together and go over to each other's houses, I live far away from all of them. I just need to not constantly feel discouraged and out of the loop.  We are planning a 4th of July party for this Saturday so hopefully that will be fun. We're gonna put National Tressure on the projector and make burgers and corn on the cob. Murcia, am I right? 

Wish me luck as I try to memorize 60 new words tonight!!! (Thank you, my many years of theatrical and line-memorization training! You have prepared me well! 🙏)

Update:

Ok, wow, that was really whiny and ungrateful. Very sorry. To be fair, you're reading this because you want to know what I am experiencing, even the not-so-great experiences. I realize now I am in a freaking amazing country on a once in a lifetime opportunity most kids could only dream about. It is not gonna be easy or happy all the time but I knew that when I signed up. Guess it didn't really hit me till this week. But come on, I had pistachio ice cream yesterday! I'm livin the dream!!! In fact, two of my other classmates came up to me and said they were feeling the same way: lost, confused, and frustrated by the disrespectful kid in our class who thinks we are idiots. So I'm not alone :) I just gotta buckle down, stop nostalgically scrolling through old photos, get lots of sleep, actively involve myself with the other NSLI kids, and commit to studying and participating in class. Thanks for all of your support from afar ❤️